what a beautiful essay to come back with haaniyah, welcome back 💜 though for different reasons, I can relate to always wondering what men in passing think of me if they notice at all, and feeling like a passenger in my own life in the context of dating (and other things) and hoping I’ll be “fixed” by 30. I also love that this essay doesn’t have a positive conclusion, as that’s not always realistic, and it’s nice to write about something without having a clear answer.
I wrote a similar essay this week about the desire to feel desired. You described that smoking section of the bar and the men around it, an exact experience I had this weekend that left me spiraling. I came to Substack to find some solace today about it and I stumbled into your essay. Thank you for this gift, thank you for sharing it with us. I hope these comments and feelings of community feel like a hug in the dark moments. We’re all in it together, walking each other home.
ur writing is beautiful 😭 you’ve encapsulated the insecurities I’ve had about my own desirability so well I had to log back into Substack. I’m touched by your emotions & i feel honored to be reading this. the way u speak about grief moves me. thank you so much 🩷
Thank you for sharing this! It feels like such a crazy coincidence that just one or two days ago I saw this reel https://www.instagram.com/reel/C7UmbPtR7B8/?igsh=ZXFzNjE3c2loYXNl on my explore page. There seems to be a connection between grief and body dysmorphia but I don’t think I’ve seen much analysis on that.
I feel you. It is very challenging to overcome the total disdain of one's father but with time and talk and self care it can be done. It's ironic that many women younger than I have made me feel more confident about my body. A trip to a global majority country and away from western beauty standards could help forge a path towards a more confident you. Keep on writing though. You have a gift. I remember you from the good old Twitter days.
I'm currently on the 5th chapter of Nathaniel Branden's book, The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem. He's one of the first psychologists to explore how self-esteem functions in our relationships with others, but most importantly with ourselves. It's a combination of helpful tools for recognizing the role self-esteem plays in our only life experience, practices to engage with concepts like self-acceptance, self-responsibility, self-assertiveness, and a culmination of decades of scientific research/fieldwork. Importantly, he discusses how our self-perception and personal identity develop from the foundations of our childhoods, particularly from our relationships with caregivers. I think you might find it useful. Here is an excerpt from the introduction: "My purpose of this book is to identify, in greater depth and comprehensiveness than in my previous writings, the most important factors on which self-esteem depends. If self-esteem is the health of the mind, then few subjects are of comparable urgency." I can't recommend it enough. I know I'm so late to this conversation, but I just found your post! I don't think this read will be a cure-all by any means, but I hope it can offer some solace and maybe even some guidance on your journey like it has for me. Good luck out there.
Wow! Your vulnerability shines through your words. It’s like you invited me to sit with you in your feelings. Sending you hugs and love ❤️
what a beautiful essay to come back with haaniyah, welcome back 💜 though for different reasons, I can relate to always wondering what men in passing think of me if they notice at all, and feeling like a passenger in my own life in the context of dating (and other things) and hoping I’ll be “fixed” by 30. I also love that this essay doesn’t have a positive conclusion, as that’s not always realistic, and it’s nice to write about something without having a clear answer.
Felt this so deeply, thank you so much for writing this
I wrote a similar essay this week about the desire to feel desired. You described that smoking section of the bar and the men around it, an exact experience I had this weekend that left me spiraling. I came to Substack to find some solace today about it and I stumbled into your essay. Thank you for this gift, thank you for sharing it with us. I hope these comments and feelings of community feel like a hug in the dark moments. We’re all in it together, walking each other home.
I've been feeling these emotions so much lately. Thank you for sharing these words, makes me feel less lonely today.
ur writing is beautiful 😭 you’ve encapsulated the insecurities I’ve had about my own desirability so well I had to log back into Substack. I’m touched by your emotions & i feel honored to be reading this. the way u speak about grief moves me. thank you so much 🩷
Brilliant 🩷
God this is so beautiful. Thank you for your words ❤❤
oh, to be desired. such a beautiful string of words you've used to express yourself !!
so incredibly relatable. thanks for being vulnerable
The vulnerability it took to write these words, is appreciated & there’s much in here I relate to & currently experiencing myself. Thank you for this!
Thank you for sharing this part of yourself with us all, you are so brave ❤️
this is so beautiful, thank you for writing <3
Thank you for sharing this! It feels like such a crazy coincidence that just one or two days ago I saw this reel https://www.instagram.com/reel/C7UmbPtR7B8/?igsh=ZXFzNjE3c2loYXNl on my explore page. There seems to be a connection between grief and body dysmorphia but I don’t think I’ve seen much analysis on that.
I feel you. It is very challenging to overcome the total disdain of one's father but with time and talk and self care it can be done. It's ironic that many women younger than I have made me feel more confident about my body. A trip to a global majority country and away from western beauty standards could help forge a path towards a more confident you. Keep on writing though. You have a gift. I remember you from the good old Twitter days.
I'm currently on the 5th chapter of Nathaniel Branden's book, The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem. He's one of the first psychologists to explore how self-esteem functions in our relationships with others, but most importantly with ourselves. It's a combination of helpful tools for recognizing the role self-esteem plays in our only life experience, practices to engage with concepts like self-acceptance, self-responsibility, self-assertiveness, and a culmination of decades of scientific research/fieldwork. Importantly, he discusses how our self-perception and personal identity develop from the foundations of our childhoods, particularly from our relationships with caregivers. I think you might find it useful. Here is an excerpt from the introduction: "My purpose of this book is to identify, in greater depth and comprehensiveness than in my previous writings, the most important factors on which self-esteem depends. If self-esteem is the health of the mind, then few subjects are of comparable urgency." I can't recommend it enough. I know I'm so late to this conversation, but I just found your post! I don't think this read will be a cure-all by any means, but I hope it can offer some solace and maybe even some guidance on your journey like it has for me. Good luck out there.